The Mindful Athlete and Fan: The Kids Are Always Watching

I still remember the day I quit being an umpire for youth sports. 

I was 19, calling a 10 year old girls slow-pitch softball game. It should have been simple: Blue sky, sunshine, two teams of kids figuring out how to throw, catch, and laugh their way through a game. 

Instead, it was the worst environment I have ever seen around a field. 

• The parents on both sides already hated each other. Every close call became a personal insult. Every mistake by a kid became fuel for the adults’ frustration. When I started setting boundaries and enforcing the rulebook as the only umpire, the anger turned on me. 

What should have been a light, joyful afternoon for kids became a pressure cooker for everybody. 

• I walked off that field shaken enough that I decided I would never officiate another girls youth league game. That game has stuck with me, because it cemented something that is only more obvious now: 

Adults set the standard. For kids. For other fans. For the whole culture of sports. 

Today, we are layering something even heavier on top of that: 

Legal sports betting on our phones, prop bets on individual players, and social media that gives anyone direct access to athletes. 

If we are not careful, we turn games into emotional landmines where money, ego, and identity matter more than people. 

This is where The Mindful Athlete comes in: 

• Not just as a player mindset, but as a way to be a fan, a parent, and, underneath all of that, a better human.  

The new reality: when fandom becomes finance

Since the Supreme Court opened the door in 2018, legal sports betting has spread to most of the United States. In many places, you do not need to walk into a casino. You pull out your phone, open an app, and bet on the next play. Recent state surveys show how fast this shifted behavior. 

In Maryland, for example, 12% of adults reported using online or mobile sports betting in 2024, up from 3% just two years earlier. Overall, 17% had placed sports bets of any kind in the past year, and people who gambled on sports were far more likely to show signs of disordered gambling than non-bettors. Maryland Matters

National early data from the National Institute on Drug Abuse points in the same direction. Mobile betting has increased gambling participation and help-seeking, with helplines reporting more calls and states detecting higher rates of problem gambling, especially among young men. NIDA

There is a cost to this growth that has nothing to do with revenue:  

• A recent analysis found around 22% of mobile sports bettors met criteria for problem gambling, higher than people who gambled only in person. Addiction Center 

• A STAT News commentary in November 2025 described sports betting apps as a growing public health crisis, tying heavy betting to rising anxiety, depression, and substance use in young men. STAT 

• A Pew Research survey in 2025 found 43% of U.S. adults now believe legal sports betting is bad for society, and 40% say it is bad for sports, both up sharply since 2022. Pew Research Center 

When you link your emotional state and your bank account directly to the performance of other humans, you create a perfect storm:  

• Your identity is tied to the result. 

• Your money is tied to the result. 

• Your ego is tied to the result. 

If you do not have tools to manage that, it is very easy to treat athletes like objects, not people.  

What athletes are living with:

The NCAA’s own numbers make it clear this is not just “a few trolls.”  

• In its first major online harassment study covering championships from 2023 to 2024, the NCAA and data firm Signify reviewed over a million social media posts and flagged more than 54,000 for potential abuse. Over 3,100 were confirmed as abusive or threatening. Reuters 

• About 12% of all abuse in that study was directly related to sports betting, with even higher rates in men’s basketball and football. NCAA.org+1 

• The NCAA has reported individual athletes receiving more than a thousand abusive messages in less than two weeks, often tied to missed shots, turnovers, or prop bets that did not hit. NCAA.org+1 

NCAA President Charlie Baker has called some of this behavior “vicious” and has pushed to ban certain college prop bets, because they create direct pressure on players and fuel harassment when those bets lose. New York Post+1 

For an athlete, this is not just about “mean comments.” 

It means:  

• Getting death threats and slurs in your DMs. 

• Having strangers tell you that you owe them money because their bet lost. 

• Knowing that every mistake may trigger an avalanche of abuse. 

From a mental health perspective, you should expect increased stress, anxiety, and burnout in that environment. 

Add in existing research that links problem gambling to depression, substance misuse, and suicidal thoughts, and the picture gets darker for both bettors and the people they target. NIDA+1 

The bottom line: 

• The way fans behave now has measurable, harmful impact on real people.  

What kids are absorbing on the sidelines:

Now copy that energy to a youth field. Youth sports are supposed to teach teamwork, resilience, and joy. Instead, we have built a machine where:  

• Kids specialize early. 

• Weekends are built around tournaments and travel. 

• Adults obsess over rankings, stats, and scholarships. 

The numbers tell you how this is working for kids:  

• Multiple studies and national surveys (including work summarized by the Aspen Institute) have found that around 70% of children quit organized sports by age 13, and the most common reason they give is simple: 

         "It is not fun anymore.” 

• A widely cited review on youth sports found that about 30% of young athletes report negative behavior from coaches and parents as a key reason for quitting. That includes being yelled at, insulted, or blamed for losses. PMC 

In other words, what I saw in that girls softball game at 19 was not some rare outlier. It was a local version of a national pattern: adults turning games into something kids want to escape from. 

When parents:  

• Yell at refs. 

• Trash talk other kids or other parents. 

• Make the car ride home a postgame performance review. 

Kids learn a simple rule: my value is tied to winning, and sports are a place where adults lose control.  

The illusion of “us vs. them”

In both pro sports and youth sports, we fall into the same mental trap:  

• My team vs. your team. 

• Our side vs. the officials. 

• She is a “choker.” 

• He is a “bum.” 

• That ref is “against us.” 

The reality is much more connected. 

It takes two teams, officials, supportive parents, city employees, field maintenance crews, medical staff, schedulers, sponsors, and volunteers to create a single game. 

Everyone involved is part of one larger team that exists to give humans the chance to play. 

We use games to:  

• Teach teamwork and communication. 

• Practice failing, regrouping, and trying again. 

• Learn how to compete hard without dehumanizing the people across from us. 

When we turn that into “us vs. them at all costs,” we are training ourselves and our kids to miss the entire point.

The Mindful Fan: practical ways to show up better

Mindfulness is not some abstract concept here. It is simply paying attention on purpose, noticing your reactions, and choosing how to respond. Here are concrete tools you can use the next time you are watching a game. 

1. The 10-second reset

When you feel that spike of anger after a blown play or lost bet:  

Pause. Acknowledge it: “I am really angry right now.”

Breathe. In through your nose for 4, hold for 2, out through your mouth for 6, twice. 

Label. “This is disappointment and frustration.” 

Reframe. “This is a game. These are humans, not my employees. My emotions are my responsibility.” 

That tiny gap between feeling and action is where a mindful fan lives. 

2. Focus on process, not just outcome

Borrow the same mindset coaches want from players. Instead of only saying:  

• “How did we lose that?” 

Ask:  

• “What were they trying to do in that play?” 

• “What did I see them execute well, even if the result was bad?” 

This nudges your brain toward appreciating skill and effort, not just the final score. 

3. Hard boundaries around betting

Given what we know about betting-related abuse, set simple, non-negotiable rules:  

• You never say or type: “You cost me my parlay.” 

• You never tag an athlete to complain about a bet. 

• If you are heated about money, you sleep on it. No posts about specific players or officials for 24 hours. 

If you notice that losses are wrecking your sleep, your mood, or your relationships, treat that as a signal to step back and possibly talk to someone. 

Gambling helplines exist for a reason, and early NIDA data suggests more people are needing them in the mobile betting era. NIDA

4. Positive language you can actually use

At a game:  

• “Love that hustle.” 

• “Nice effort on defense.” 

• “Great energy from both sides.”

• After mistakes: “You will get the next one.” 

If you choose to comment online, follow a simple rule: 

• Five positive specifics for every criticism. 

This “positive ratio” mirrors work from coaching programs that link mostly positive feedback to better performance and athlete retention. 

Example:  

• “Loved your pace in the second half.” 

• “Great reads on defense most of the night.” 

• “Respect for playing through tough contact.” 

• “You have carried a big load this season.” 

• “Looking forward to the bounce-back game.” 

• “Turnovers hurt late, hope the team cleans that up.” 

You stay honest without becoming abusive.  

The Mindful Parent: how to be the standard your kid needs:

Kids learn more from how you act than from what you say. 

1. A simple sideline code

Before the season, decide:  

I cheer effort, not outcomes.  

• “Nice hustle,” “Love that pass,” “Good idea,” even when it does not work. 

I do not coach from the sideline.  

• That is the coach’s job. Yelling instructions only confuses kids. 

I respect refs and opponents in public.  

• “Nice save, keeper,” even if it is the other team. 

• No sarcasm, no shouting at officials. 

I let the car ride home be safe.  

• No breakdowns on the drive. If there is feedback, it happens later, calmly, and only if the child is open to it. 

Research on youth sports and parental behavior supports this kind of approach. 

Supportive, calm parents are tied to higher enjoyment and lower burnout. 

Negative, high-pressure behavior is one of the top reasons kids cite when they quit. PMC+1 

2. The car ride script

Right after the game, win or lose, your script can be:  

“Did you have fun?” 

“What is one thing you are proud of?” 

“Do you want to talk about the game or just relax?” 

If they want to talk:  

• “What felt hardest today?” 

• “What do you want to work on next time?” 

If they do not, back off. The message is: your relationship comes before your analysis. 

3. Build the “two teams, one game” habit:

• You can help your child understand that every game is a shared project. 

After each game, ask them to name:

• One thing they did well. 

• One thing a teammate did well. 

• One thing an opponent did well. 

This trains empathy and respect. 

It reinforces the truth I wish more parents had understood in that softball game I umpired: 

• It takes both teams, the officials, the field crew, and the families working together to create the opportunity to play. 

4. Use pro sports as teaching moments

• When you watch big games together, do not only talk about the score. 

Ask:  

• “How do you think that player feels after that mistake?” 

• “What do you notice about how they treat the opponent after the game?” 

• “See how both teams line up and congratulate each other? That is because they know they needed each other for this moment.” 

You are connecting competition to humanity, not opposition.  

Bringing it back to that 10 year old youth league game:

If I could go back to that field where I was 19 and alone behind the plate, this is what I wish the adults had understood: 

1. Those kids were not there to validate their parents’ egos.

2. They were there to learn how to throw, how to catch, how to laugh when they missed, how to high-five someone in a different jersey. 

Instead, the adults turned it into a battlefield. 

The truth is uncomfortable but simple:  

• When you put winning above people, everyone loses. 

• When you put people first, everyone can grow, even when the scoreboard hurts. 

Kids and players are watching you to figure out what matters.  

Whether you are a bettor watching on your phone, a fan in the stands, or a parent on a folding chair at a dusty local field, you are part of the culture of sport. 

A simple pledge for The Mindful Athlete community:

You do not have to be perfect. You do have to be intentional. 

Here is a pledge you can adopt, share, or tape to your fridge: 

• I will remember that athletes and officials are human.

• I will cheer effort, teamwork, and growth more than winning.

• I will speak to athletes, pro or youth, the way I would want someone to speak to my own child.

• I will treat opponents as partners in the game, not enemies.

• When my emotions spike, I will pause, breathe, and choose words that build people instead of breaking them. 

That is what it means to be a Mindful Athlete, a Mindful Fan, and most importantly: A Mindful Human 

The next time you feel your heart rate spike, your bet lose, or your kid’s team fall apart, remember: 

• You cannot control the outcome. 

• You can control whether you are adding more harm or more humanity to the game.